My father recently acquainted me with the story of him and his friend getting locked in a cemetery over night. This event occurred in Detroit, Michigan in the 1970s while he was a college student.
It was a cold evening and my dad and his friend were walking down the street. They had just left dinner with some good friends and were on their way back to the college dorms. After about five minutes of walking, an erie feel has swept over them. My dad’s friend glanced behind him with the fear of someone following them, but there was no soul in sight. Both of them started surveying their surroundings, but the streets were bare. They stayed calm and my dad’s friend mentioned a short cut to get back to the dorms faster.
The two walked up the street a little farther till they reached a cemetery. His friend said that walking through the cemetery will get them within a block of the dorms. They both reluctantly entered the cemetery and walked approximately 20 feet till they heard the gate slam close behind them. Immediately, they turned around, but didn’t see anyone that could have closed the gate. My dad ran up to the gate and noticed the gate was chained and padlocked shut. He turned back around, and his friend reassured him that they will be able to get out on the other side.
They made their way forward through the cemetery in the dark of night seeking a way out. After about 20 minutes of walking, they spotted an open gate out. They started to jog towards it until a giant gust of wind came through the cemetery. The wind slammed the gate shut and sent leaves in the air. Once they got to the closed gate, they noticed it was also chained and padlocked. Panicking, my dad and his friend searched for another way out. They couldn’t find any other gates and the fence was too high to jump. By this time, it was past midnight and could not get any help. The two went back into the depths of the cemetery to seek shelter for the night. They came upon a little shack with out a door. They sprinted towards it and entered. It was empty and had enough space for the two of them for the night.
They woke up at the crack of dawn and left the shack. My dad noticed the gate out was open and the two sprinted towards it. They sprinted out of the cemetery and all the way back to the dorms.
Both my dad and his friend have no idea how the gates closed and locked themselves and never will know. They never took that short cut again and relay the story to their children so we don’t do the same thing.
Maybe you could add more to the story, even if it is fake. It would still have real parts in it, but adding more details would make it more interesting to read. The fact that it happened to your dad helps the credibility.
ReplyDeleteThis story has credibility because it happened to your father and a friend. You should add their thoughts on what they thought was going on though.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds credible since the story hasn't been passed down through generations of people. Maybe add more detail about the cemetary because all the ones I have seen or entered have been very easy to hop over a small fence, or haven't had fences at all. Detail would definitely help but it was very nicely written!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story because it was very clear and concise. Your attention to word choice and sentence structure was able to capture my attention immediately. One thing I would suggest is to just put some more emotion into your piece and explain what your Dad and his friend were thinking. Overall a very excellent read!
ReplyDeleteThis story painted a picture in my head right away. It seemed believable because of the setting, as well as other components. We can all associate a cemetery as a place with supernatural behaviors, so the story does sound like it happened. Your word choice also helps it out. When you said a strange wind closed the gate, it seemed relevant since this is a common observation when something paranormal is happening.
ReplyDeleteI really like this story, it was very intertaining. But it left me thinking, besides that it happened to your dad and his friends, there no facts that really lift up your credibility, so makes this story harder to believe, besides that everythin else is fine.
ReplyDeleteThis story is very credible seeing that this happened to your dad and his friend. I suggest that you should add a little more to the story so there is more details. Other than that your story was good.
ReplyDeleteI think a little more could be added to this story to make it better. Having this happen to your dad makes this story credible. It also being in a cemetery makes this story more believable also. This was a good story.
ReplyDeleteMore details could make this story better but the fact that this happened to your dad and his friend gives this a lot of credibility.
ReplyDeleteNice introduction! Good summary and thesis, but the audience could use more background information. Objects that move by themselves always stir up emotion about the believed and unbelieved, so that was a nice twist. Nothing too creepy happened, and that really renders the story into a much more believable frame.
ReplyDeleteThe overall plot of the story was pretty good. I would have added more about the shack. Just running to an abandoned and empty shack just to sleep and wake up as if they hadn't just been locked in a cemetery doesn't give me much. I would argue emotional experiences and the logical aspect of gates not being able to chain and lock themselves.
ReplyDeleteThis story is well written but has the possibilities of being a lot better. They could encounter something a little scarier in the cemetary or just see something more than nothing. The story made me want more to happen but it didnt deliver.
ReplyDeleteThe setting was great and the suspense leading up to them finding the shack was perfect, but i felt like it just kind of ended there! perhaps a little something added to the end would leave us with that same suspenseful feeling you mastered in the beginning! leave the reader thinking or scared!
ReplyDeletethe location of the story is well picked but i was lost a few times during the reading. give it a little more detail
ReplyDeleteI think that the setting, a cemetery, automatically instills fear in people because cemeteries are generally depicted in a negative light – it’s a place of sadness and fear. It is also where one would expect to see the strange and unusual, which establishes some of the credibility in your story. However, to add to the emotional appeal of the story, I would suggest adding more detail about how the experience made your dad and his friend feel and adding a description of the setting to make it feel like they were stranded in a really spooky place. Adding more detail can add credibility and emotion to the piece.
ReplyDeleteThe idea for this story had a lot of potential, but it fell short of being completely believable. There are a few typos that could be fixed to lend more credibility to the story. Having said that though, the fact that this was your father makes up for that lack of credibility. Because it happened to someone so close to you, the details should be true. Speaking of which, adding a little more detail to the paragraphs after your father and his friend run to the shack could help maintain the emotional connection created in the first half of the story.
ReplyDeleteI like this story because the setting of the story takes place in one of the creepiest place to have encounter with the paranormal. There are a few grammer mistakes that you need to fix but other than that it is a well written story. The credibility is kind of questionable because the story is from a member of your family so you’re personally connected to the story.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very entertaining story for me, I imagined them entering, being locked in, and desperately sprinting for the shack. In the very last sentence you use a contraction "don't" which should not be in a paper. Maybe add some details to their night in the old shack. I also liked the detail in how they were confused, terrified, and how the whole thing was unexplained.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what a lot of people said: the fact that it happened to your father and listed a specific date adds to the credibility of the story. However, the lack of detail or explanation or thoughts behind the event makes the story harder to believe.
ReplyDeleteA family story is always fun to hear. This is something that could be told hundreds of years from now when we will be long gone. I think you could add more details of the personal effects it had on the family to make its credibility go up. overall good job
ReplyDeleteI really like this story, and some phrases are vivid. This story is very credible because it happened on your father and mother. Maybe more details can make it better.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could add more detail and descreb to the story, even if it is not credibility enough.It will make your story become more vivid and good.
ReplyDelete