I will share a story as told by my cousin “Sarintha” of a curious experience she had a few months back. Our family is aware that Sarintha finds herself in unexplainable situations and in the presence of unusual company quite often. I have learned to listen to her bizarre accounts; however, on this occasion there was another witness.
Sarintha and her boyfriend Will had gone to see Mike and Jenna, a couple they were friends with, and their new baby boy one afternoon. They were sitting around talking and passing the time when the baby started crying. Sarintha and Will followed Mike and Jenna into the baby’s room. They stood in a circle around the crib, Mike at the far end of the room, Sarintha directly across from him in the doorway and Jenna and Will on either side of the crib. Jenna held the baby rocking him until he fell asleep; she placed him into the crib. The four watched the baby sleep for a few minutes until Sarintha spun around startled and shocked. Mike whispered, “Did you see that?” staring intently behind Sarintha. Will questioned the two and Sarintha immediately responded that she had felt a breeze rush past and had heard footsteps running quickly behind her. Mike, still in shock, reported that he had seen a dark figure sprint behind Sarintha past the doorway. Mike ran out of the room searching the house for an intruder, unwilling to accept the fact that he saw something paranormal. After searching the house thoroughly and finding nothing out of the ordinary, Mike slowly came to terms with his encounter. Sarintha was shaken but was used to the strange presences that seemed to follow her.
After hearing from both Sarintha and Mike, our family views Sarintha’s feelings, stories, and encounters with much more credibility. Paranormal incidents are very common and have been reported as far back as the Mesopotamian Era. Over time many terms have been associated with these experiences: ghosts, spirits, demons, phantoms, and lost souls. Sarintha’s encounter, although witnessed by two different people, may still seem unbelievable. This story should teach anyone never to disregard a strange noise coming from the kitchen late at night, because one can never be certain of what may be lurking in the shadows.
Sarintha and her boyfriend Will had gone to see Mike and Jenna, a couple they were friends with, and their new baby boy one afternoon. They were sitting around talking and passing the time when the baby started crying. Sarintha and Will followed Mike and Jenna into the baby’s room. They stood in a circle around the crib, Mike at the far end of the room, Sarintha directly across from him in the doorway and Jenna and Will on either side of the crib. Jenna held the baby rocking him until he fell asleep; she placed him into the crib. The four watched the baby sleep for a few minutes until Sarintha spun around startled and shocked. Mike whispered, “Did you see that?” staring intently behind Sarintha. Will questioned the two and Sarintha immediately responded that she had felt a breeze rush past and had heard footsteps running quickly behind her. Mike, still in shock, reported that he had seen a dark figure sprint behind Sarintha past the doorway. Mike ran out of the room searching the house for an intruder, unwilling to accept the fact that he saw something paranormal. After searching the house thoroughly and finding nothing out of the ordinary, Mike slowly came to terms with his encounter. Sarintha was shaken but was used to the strange presences that seemed to follow her.
After hearing from both Sarintha and Mike, our family views Sarintha’s feelings, stories, and encounters with much more credibility. Paranormal incidents are very common and have been reported as far back as the Mesopotamian Era. Over time many terms have been associated with these experiences: ghosts, spirits, demons, phantoms, and lost souls. Sarintha’s encounter, although witnessed by two different people, may still seem unbelievable. This story should teach anyone never to disregard a strange noise coming from the kitchen late at night, because one can never be certain of what may be lurking in the shadows.
I liked your conclusion, it made the whole story come together in a creepy sense. It was very detailed and kept making me go back and think about "noises" I have heard late at night. It was really well written.
ReplyDeleteI like your last sentence it puts the readers in the state of mind "should I believe more things that are unusual?". The fact that your cousin finally had another witness helps people believe it more, including your own family.
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was great in the fact that you made it seem credible with the amount of witnesses. I also thought that giving your reader the option to choose what to believe was a great idea. I think that maybe taking out the fact that Sarintha sees a lot of paranormal activity would be a good idea to make your story even more credible.
ReplyDeleteThe witnesses definitely help make it sound believable. The fact that the baby started crying made me wonder if the strange figure did caused unease. The conclusion wraps up the story pretty well. Great job!
ReplyDeletegood job on the emotional appeal. The end was real creepy pasta and slightly frightens me. good job keeping the description of the shadow man vague, made it much more real
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you described everything and set the scene up. Visually, i could understand where everyone was and that greatly helped your credibility. Maybe you should elaborate on the kinds of things that happen to Sarintha or what they thought the figure was doing there. just a thought!
ReplyDeleteGood job. You went into great detail when they were all standing around the crib. You also supported your story with facts at the end which is also great. Your story is a little short and I don't think you really captured your audience with your story.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of the story was very good. Having two witnesses helps the story's credibility. The good detail with the facts helped also. A little short, but it still was a well written story.
ReplyDeleteHaving heard this story from your cousin and having witnesses puts a lot of credibility to your story. The ending ties it all up and makes the reader feel a bit scared.
ReplyDeleteThe things that go bump in the night. I liked the story. It was short and sweet. I was drawn into your writing and was/still am disappointed that it ended so fast. As everyone seems to have said, the facts are good. You can use the personal relation to the "victim" as well and argue credibility. Maybe you could push the fact that children have been reported to see things more often than adults
ReplyDeleteNice credibility through the boyfriend, it really helped the story! The way in which you described the setting helped me grasp the situatiuon well. The most effective, and my favorite part was the last sentence for sure. It left me with a sense of insecurity
ReplyDeletei like the bit of history at the end of the story that helps to add to the credibility. This story though does just sound like one i have heard a billion times though.
ReplyDeletethis is a great story, i feel as if you are leading the reader on to your conclusion. which is really creepy and well written to give the reader goosebumps. i would just advise you to extend it a little bit longer as if i feel that you may have left the reader with unanswered questions
ReplyDeleteThe ending of the story was very good, it wrapped it up nicely. The beginning was not bad either, but could be introduced better. The fact that you did give background made it much more credible. I did not see grammatical errors, which is always a plus.
ReplyDeleteI like the ending of the story because mike just realizes that all he could do was to accept the fact that he had a paranormal encounter. The story has a lot of credibility that makes it believable to the reader. You appeal to the emotions of the readers very well. Overall this story is very well written and has very little grammar mistakes in it.
ReplyDeleteThe story was clear and concise. The presence of other witnesses helps the credibility of the story. Why was Sarintha in quotations, was this supposed to imply something? I like how you discuss the terms that have been associated with paranormal experiences. It leaves it up to the reader to decide what he/she thinks is the cause of the event. I could also picture exactly where everyone was standing and feeling from your description.
ReplyDeleteAt first, it was hard to believe but at the end you establish some facts that brought your credibility up. The background stuff did helps a bit, but your conclusion paragraph was really strong, I think it was a good end for a perfect story.
ReplyDeleteVery cool story. I felt like it was being told to me by someone i trust. It took a little to get me intersted but at the end i was very impressed. I didnt see any gramatical errors which was nice. Great ending. A nice conclusion is never a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI liked the last sentence of your story. The story confused me a bit. If you added more detail or made the paranormal activity seem more profound (important) and realistic, it would help your credibility a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis story was interesting, because you started off saying that no one had ever believed your cousin. This immediately lowered your credibility, but throughout the story it was brought back up again. The fact that others who don’t believe in the paranormal saw this boosts your credibility as does your conclusion and the other supernatural things you list. Your ending sentence really did the trick though and made the reader thinks about all of the things that had happened to them where they didn’t think it was supernatural. Your story made it seem like it could be a spirit or something.
ReplyDeleteIt is a amazing story It is short but i can seeTthe unusual thing in it. The detail in this story is very good. So you can feel it is credibility .
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