It was freshman year; I was excited to finally be a high school student, ready to meet new people and make new friends. In my child development class I met one of the sweetest boys I have ever met, his name was Josh. We became close friends and hung out a lot; even rode the bus home together. The child development class had a project of taking home a fake baby for a few days. It was supposed to make teens understand what being a parent is like at such a young age. Josh named his Alaska. He made me do most of the work for him but I was fine with that because that meant I got to spend more time with him. As time went on we started to grow apart, we talked less, and I could tell something was different about him. Semester two started off with me trying out for the soccer team.
As the first try-out ended I got in the car with my friend where her mother told me the worst news of my life. She said someone from our school had committed suicide. By the time I got home, I had figured out it was Josh. His reasoning was school grades, along with being depressed from medications he was taking. I felt very guilty for the next two years, but I have learned there was nothing I could have done. But as I go through school without him weird things keep occurring.
I could not believe my eyes when I started seeing Josh in the school hall ways. I knew he was gone, how could he be there? Sophomore year, there was a boy who looked exactly like him, and I always wanted to go say hi, and explain to the kid that he reminded me of someone very important. Then, junior and senior year roll around and I would be sitting in the windowsill and I swear I saw him walk by me. It would honestly scare me more than anything. I would call friends crying, not knowing what to do. Was I just seeing him because I wanted to? Did I miss him so much that I just pretended to see him? I was not really sure but right after the feeling of being scared, I wished I would have just watched “the figure” walk by and enjoyed it more. Not only did I see him at school, it happened at my work. I would dream about him all the time, maybe this is his way of communicating with me.
I know that many other people experience the same things as I have. They say that when we get to see them in our dreams, it’s their way of saying that they are ok. I think that we want to see our loved ones again and we picture them as if they were still with us. But when you “see” them the feeling is so indescribable.
As the first try-out ended I got in the car with my friend where her mother told me the worst news of my life. She said someone from our school had committed suicide. By the time I got home, I had figured out it was Josh. His reasoning was school grades, along with being depressed from medications he was taking. I felt very guilty for the next two years, but I have learned there was nothing I could have done. But as I go through school without him weird things keep occurring.
I could not believe my eyes when I started seeing Josh in the school hall ways. I knew he was gone, how could he be there? Sophomore year, there was a boy who looked exactly like him, and I always wanted to go say hi, and explain to the kid that he reminded me of someone very important. Then, junior and senior year roll around and I would be sitting in the windowsill and I swear I saw him walk by me. It would honestly scare me more than anything. I would call friends crying, not knowing what to do. Was I just seeing him because I wanted to? Did I miss him so much that I just pretended to see him? I was not really sure but right after the feeling of being scared, I wished I would have just watched “the figure” walk by and enjoyed it more. Not only did I see him at school, it happened at my work. I would dream about him all the time, maybe this is his way of communicating with me.
I know that many other people experience the same things as I have. They say that when we get to see them in our dreams, it’s their way of saying that they are ok. I think that we want to see our loved ones again and we picture them as if they were still with us. But when you “see” them the feeling is so indescribable.
i really liked how you gave background on the story before getting to the strange occurrence you experienced. Your story was also one that i could personally relate to (and probably quite a few others) because it had to do with a friend committing suicide and the grief that you experienced afterwards. It was also so much more real that you were upset and confused as to why you were seeing him everywhere. That's a reaction that so many can relate too, as well as this whole story.
ReplyDeleteJordan, I definitely agree with Rachel up there. The way you set and started the story was excellent. It really caught my eye, and made me want to keep reading your story. But in the other hand, besides you writting the story in 1st person, I didnt really noticed any devices or things that could of helped you strengthen your credibility.
ReplyDeleteVery sad story, Jordan, but it was written well. It is organized and does keep the reader hooked like Yaren said. I think the way you informed the reader about dreams helps this story's credibility a little bit. Also, the fact that you kept "seeing" him in the hallways does give it a mystery and certainly hosts an argument.
ReplyDeleteThe background of your story made the emotional appeal very powerful. I thought that because this was your experience, that you story was made even more credible. I was hooked throughout. One question I had at the end was if you still see him or not? I think it would be interesting if you added the current information to the past information in this essay.
ReplyDeleteWow this was intense! I remember my sophomore year I was sitting in class when all of a sudden I noticed so many class mates dashing out the doors crying and shaking their heads while they were taking to the teachers because a student (I didn't know him) also committed suicide. They probably had the same emotional impact. Great story! The background and the fact that you still wonder about "actually" seeing him makes me believe you.
ReplyDeleteI believe the emotional impact from knowing someone who committed suicide helped the story quite a bit and made it seem more real to me. It would have boosted your story if you had described the kind of relationship you had with Josh in more detail. It would have helped the realism in your story. Other than that, it was definitely very effective and believable.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you liked Josh in a more than friends type of way makes this story have such an emotional impact. It makes me think how sad i would be not knowing something this serious was happening. It makes everything seem super believable, there is nothing i could question.
ReplyDeleteWhen friends pass away it leaves a large gap in our hearts and minds. Many people including myself can relate to this due to it's emotional factor. I had a friend pass away when I was in High School and for a while I too felt a bit of a presence. I saw him places, he fell into my dreams on occasion, and there was another student who looked like the spitting image of him. I know we are not the only ones to experience things such as this so there is a bit of logic that you can argue perhaps.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. This story was really good and definitely kept me hooked. It is definitely credible because it happened to you and you add such great detail, and added a lot of emotion into it. Very nicely written!
ReplyDeleteGreat story. You started your story very strongly giving background info to help the reader understand where the story is going. Your story was also very deep and emotional which really connects with the reader. Once again, great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so emotional that it is easy to believe you and what you saw. The readers can sympathize with you, and in turn automatically give you credibility. No one ever doubts a mourning person especially when they have such a touching, personal thing they are mourning. Besides the emotional aspect of the story, the story is believable because we are given no reason to doubt you. Like you said in the last paragraph of your story, people want to believe that they can see loved ones after death.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very sad story. It made me sad, but overall its well written and its easily believable. I really believe in seeing someone you care about after their death. Overall this is a great story! :)
ReplyDeletegreat great story from the beginning you have the reader hooked. its full of emotions and very credible i really like it
ReplyDeleteThis was really sad. Well done. I think that you really got your point across with this story. The background information about your relationship with Josh and how you felt about him made it very emotional. The topic of suicide in itself is very emotional; I like how you said that seeing them in our dreams is their way of saying that they’re okay. Think this connects well because you want to make sure that they are in a happier place. Wraps up nicely in the conclusion. Great story!
ReplyDeleteThe use of rhetorical questions really helped the reader to start thinking about possible explainations for the occurences! That was really effective in getting me into the story, and made me start to think more! very effective also because it leaves it up to the reader to decide why these things happened!
ReplyDeleteThe beginning and how the story was set was really good. It was a great way to start the story and get the reader's attention. The emotional aspect of this story helped the credibility. Also having this happen to you makes its also believable. Great story.
ReplyDeleteI think you gave excellent detail in the beginning of the story. This keeps the reader entertained and wanting to read the rest of your story as well. It was very emotional and helps people understand what you felt.Like others said the rhetorical questions helped out a lot too. Very good story.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! The details of the story add a great understanding of the plot for the story. The flow of the story makes it easy to read. The emotional appeal of the story just shows how much it is possible to see a loved one after they die. The story could use a few more fact and you could fix a few grammar mistakes that I’ve seen.
ReplyDeleteI really like this! The start made me feel like you were a friend telling me about that class back in the day. The details made it feel so real to me. the emotions you expressed helped captivate the reader. Great job!
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