My friend Brandi lived near downtown in a beautiful Victorian home. It had been sitting there in the heart of Denver for some time, so it was somewhat old. I didn’t come to visit Brandi often simply because every time I stepped foot into that house, I always thought it carried bad vibes. Brandi had a class with me in high school, and we studied in Biology together. We had finals coming up in the next couple of weeks, and we had to assign ourselves a study date. My house was out of the picture, so we decided on going to her place.
Brandi had the whole entire upstairs level to herself. Her bedroom was the only room upstairs, and there was a bathroom connected to it. Brandi had a little four year old sister at the time named Mya, and she loved to follow us around everywhere. As we were studying, Mya had asked us a question that gave me the most unsettling feeling.
“Who’s playing hide and seek in the bathtub, Brandi?” Nobody was home, except for us three. No one else could've been here. We asked her what she was talking about, and she simply replied that she saw a hand creeping out on the ledge of the bathtub. We got ourselves the courage to get up and look, but saw absolutely nothing but an empty bathtub. We couldn’t get any studying done - we felt watched everywhere we went in her home. I felt incredibly uneasy.
Brandi informed me that she had often had such unusual encounters like this in her home. We never figured out why or what the history of the house was, but Brandi moved houses shortly after. She told me she never felt like she was actually at home, in her own house. After the incident, she would keep having more encounters with this 'ghost'. I learned that the more negative energy you bring, the more the paranormal feeds on it. I believe it's the best thing she could've done was to get out of that house, because she tells me she hasn't had one encounter like this since.
Brandi had the whole entire upstairs level to herself. Her bedroom was the only room upstairs, and there was a bathroom connected to it. Brandi had a little four year old sister at the time named Mya, and she loved to follow us around everywhere. As we were studying, Mya had asked us a question that gave me the most unsettling feeling.
“Who’s playing hide and seek in the bathtub, Brandi?” Nobody was home, except for us three. No one else could've been here. We asked her what she was talking about, and she simply replied that she saw a hand creeping out on the ledge of the bathtub. We got ourselves the courage to get up and look, but saw absolutely nothing but an empty bathtub. We couldn’t get any studying done - we felt watched everywhere we went in her home. I felt incredibly uneasy.
Brandi informed me that she had often had such unusual encounters like this in her home. We never figured out why or what the history of the house was, but Brandi moved houses shortly after. She told me she never felt like she was actually at home, in her own house. After the incident, she would keep having more encounters with this 'ghost'. I learned that the more negative energy you bring, the more the paranormal feeds on it. I believe it's the best thing she could've done was to get out of that house, because she tells me she hasn't had one encounter like this since.
Where did you learn that having more negative energy brings more paranormal occurrences?Maybe just add it in there some how. I like how your title ties in well. The part about not finding out about the history of the house is a part that does not help the credibility of the story though.
ReplyDeleteIt would have been cool if you added in more detail about the history and maybe some facts you've learned about the paranormal events. That way it would seem much more credible. The story is very interesting and easy to picture since it's in such close proximity. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI found this story especially creepy. I thought you had a good amount of credibility to it because you were at the house when this occurred and felt an unsettling feeling while you were there. I think that maybe you can even refer to some of the other sightings that your friend saw if you wanted to. But overall a very great story!
ReplyDeleteThis story was so creepy! all of the feelings you described made the story very relatable. You should just add in more information on the negative energy piece for more reason and credibility.
ReplyDeleteI like how you gave some background in the beginning as to how you felt uneasy at Brandi's house. It helped make the story more believable. Do elaborate on the negative feelings you mentioned in the last paragraph. It would help clarify. Great story though!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Your story scared me a little bit. You had great credibility with a personal encounter and the emotion was there. You could have added a little more background, but besides that, I think it was very good.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really creepy especially with the little girl saying she say a hand. There wasn't too much detail put into the story, but the emotion from the story helped the credibility. The negative energy part was kind of confusing and really wasn't explained a whole lot. Otherwise, it was a good creepy story.
ReplyDeleteThis story was creepy! I really believed because little kids are always the first to see a ghost or something in their home. I can relate to this story because I have been in that same position. I suggest that you put a little more detail into it. Overall good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! really creepy because the little girl said that. And the fact that this happened in an old house puts more credibility to your story.
ReplyDeleteThis story has great emotional appeal. The way that the little sister was the one to see it made the story even scarier since she asked her question so innocently. Denver is a great setting for this story because of all the stuff that goes on anyways.
ReplyDeleteQuite a groovy story you have here. The personal expirience is great. The fact that a four year old saw it and asked you about it adds to it as well, because children that age don't usually carry the ability to create and lie about something as specific as that. A hand hanging out of the tub and people playing hide and seek. It reminded me of the shining and all I could think about was REDRUM.
ReplyDeleteThe child being the one to point the attention at the creepy point in a scary movies always creeps me out more than anything. Children are always so innocent in the way they talk about what they see. So a child talking about hide and seek is so creepy, i could imagine seeing this in a movie.
ReplyDeleteNice job... I think personal experience boost up your credibility a whole lot, also the emotional appeal was very descriptive. But you lost me in the last paragraph, maybe you should go back to it and clarify it a little bit.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite comment came from the innocent four year old. It hard for me to imagine a four year old coming up with those morbid comments just for fun, so i felt like that was the most effective aspect of the entire story! thats when my skin began to tingle a bit, very very effective!
ReplyDeleteMya being the one seeing the ghost 1st is something i can doubt on because she is so young and her imagination is so creative at that time. the story is short but the usage of a few elements allows the audience to paint a vivid picture of this encounter with the ghost.
ReplyDeleteShort, concise and to the point. I like how you discussed how you felt when you were in that house because it made me feel like you didn’t completely rely on what the little girl saw, it had a personal impact as well. Also, children at the age of four are perceived in a very honest and innocent light, which makes the source more reliable. I think that you could consider adding more detail around the idea of how the paranormal feeds on negative energy. Good job.
ReplyDeleteThe story is short and to the point which makes the story easy to follow and to understand. the fact that the children are young age adds to the fact that most people will kind of just brush it off as them having a vivid imagination. The story is still believable because the fact that she always seen it even when switching houses
ReplyDeleteThe emotional appeal used in this story makes it believable. Because this happened to you personally, it is credible and the fact that you mention your weariness about your friend’s house in the beginning of the story builds the readers emotions quickly before the creepy parts even start. The little sister’s questioning is kind of a double edged sword. On one hand its super freaky, I can think of so many horror movies that have a similar character. But, on the other small children have really good imaginations.
ReplyDeleteThis was well written and flowed nicely. I would say to give more detail however. Some info on the history of the house (if you can possibly find that out) and also more about bad vibes and the paranormal. This story was also very emotionally appealing so i believe that you accomplished your goal there. With those corrections I think it will be good.
ReplyDeleteThe first hand account of the story added a lot of credibility. The little sister asking the question before Brandi admitting that she had odd occurances there helped to. If you could explain more at the end about the negative energy, it would add even more credibility to your story.
ReplyDeleteHearing a personal story like that is always fun. it makes you want to keep reading. Overall it was well written. Ghost and kids are interesting to me cause i feel like kids always see them in the movies and what not. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was really creepy especially with the little girl saying she say a hand.The little sister asking the question before Brandi admitting that she had odd occurances there helped to.
ReplyDeleteYour use of vocabulary was really nice. Also you are very good at describing the scene. I think you added to the credibility of the story by saying that the house was and old Victorian house, and also by incorporating Mya’s diolgue. Another good detail was explaining that Brandi had the whole top floor to herself, which really gave me the sense that weird things could happen.
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