Monday, August 29, 2011

The Old Carson - Yaren Obando

A friend told me once about a supernatural event that occurred about five years ago to his older brother, while working as a part-time security guard in one of his graveyard shift at an abandoned hospital.

The Ft. Carson hospital and mental clinic that is located in the outskirts of Colorado, was once a facility used to keep German and Italian prisoners of war. The facility was closed around 1961 and demolished a couple of years later to build this so called hospital. The hospital has now been closed for more than twenty years and still is being patrolled by authorities to keep homeless people out. ('Warning trespassers will be prosecuted").



Supposedly, the events started the second night he had appointed to that location. At first, a light in the third or fourth floor went repeatedly  on and off. As done daily his brother went on his hourly check when he noticed the anomalies in the building. Intrigued because the building had been with no electricity for an undefined period of time, he quickly reported to his co-workers what he had seen.

The security's protocol was not to intervene but to inform the police right away. Search dogs were dispatched on the building in hopes to find answers, which were never found. To counter this situation, the personal was sent to permanently lock all the doors of the building, and  nobody could enter the hospital.

The next night, the situation worsened. Lights flicked and they could hear door slamming from a distance. Unlike before they decided to go themselves instead of informing the police, and to their surprise all the door remained securely locked. As they search inside the building,the scared brother tried to switch on the lights unsuccessfully. All of the sudden they began to hear weird noises coming from the walls of the hospital, and the lights unexpectedly turned on and off a couple of time before their eyes. The frightened employees rushed out of the building. After all of this my friend's brother immediately quit his job, and a couple of days later the security company resigned the contract with the owners.

Based on further investigation and evidence found, authorities concluded that in the building something strange was happening. They never established whether paranormal activities were taking place, or if the hospital was haunted. Which is not unusual at all, over time odd stories and events like this very same one have taken place around the world. It s common for hospital to experience this kind of unfamiliar incidents due to all the fatalities that occur there. Souls of the dead mourn around places like hospitals for various reasons, whether is to seek revenge and torment people or to take care of undone business. So far there has not been any more information regarding The Old Carson, and what occurs inside.




25 comments:

  1. Very very good story. you had great facts in the beginning to help persuade the reader to believe your story. You could add a little more to the credential aspect of the paper by being more detailed on how you heard the story. Your word choice really made me feel the fear of the main character. Once again, very good story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The story was really interesting and definitely kept my attention. The facts seemed to be there, but I agree with Alex above. Adding a little more to the credential aspect would really help the story. I thought your conclusion was a perfect way to end the story as well, it tied into the beginning perfectly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I enjoyed reading your story! This even scared me to the point where I never wanted to go to a hospital again! One critique I have would be to maybe re-read your story and make any grammatical corrections that may be needed. Thanks again for the great read!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The fact that this happened in an old hospital and mental building is definitely a element that helps make it more scary and believable. Also, saying that it has happened in numerous other hospitals helps. I like the conclusion and how you let us know that nothing has been discovered.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great vocabulary, really helped me to get into your story. Mentioning that it has happened in other places all over kind of puts me off because I like to see backup of that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This was scary! It kept me at the edge the whole time! I liked how you connected real facts to your story, it makes it more believable.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The word "Supposedly" doesn't help the credibility out much. Overall, it does seem legit because of your word choice and the facts you inserted. The drama going on at the hospital the next night gave it a frightening emotion, which benefited the paper. Nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This was a good story. It was very interesting and it kept my attention. The facts helped a lot in making this story believable. Telling everybody that nothing has been found to explain the events was a great way to end the story.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This was a good story! By listing background information on the hospital, you established yourself as credible because you knew the facts as well as making the story believable.You also have another aspect of credibility, security teams and search dogs were called to look into the happenings.Great job making this a very believable story!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This was a very good story and well told. The organization of the events was easy to follow and I felt myself drawn to read more. The biggest advice I could give is check for grammatical mistakes. You start in 3rd person, then you switch to an awkward 1st person. Just keep it consistent.

    As for an analysis stand point, the use of historical events, locations and overall information that most readers can relate to are key items. I would expand on the idea that since it used to be a P.O.W camp. Perhaps it could be the prisoners way of retaliating like you mentioned.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Great story! You used excellent word choice to help give the story detail. The only thing that I would say is that it was lacking in emotion (maybe try to add more intensity to the story and that you changed your tense (third to first), otherwise awesome job.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The most effective asspect of the story in my opinion was the part you added about the security company resigning. To me it showed that many people saw the event occur which made the story much more credible on the whole. i was able to really suspend disbelief as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is a very good story. I like they way you have facts and historic info about the hospital in the beginning of the story it adds to the story. I like how the word choices that you used for your story it makes it more believable to me.I also like the fact that they had people called to look in to the noises adds a creepy and creditable element to the story

    ReplyDelete
  16. The little background information you give about this story is definitely strong and helps the thrilling aspect of your story. The word choice is excellent,it easily captures the readers attention.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It kind of makes it a little bit more believable this is story someone of authority was experiencing not just someone that randomly experienced something. Investigations by the authorities show it has been taken seriously by multiple people.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This was a great story, I enjoyed reading it. It is credible because of the events that happened.You had great detail in this story. Maybe you could add a little more to add to the pathos. But overall its good.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Giving the historical information in the introduction helps the credibility of the story right away. I can definitely imagine that a place like that could be haunted! In your conclusion the fact that no additional evidence was found continued the eerie feeling I got when reading your piece. The last few sentences really make the reader think about how hospitals can be haunted especially when you talk about how souls of the dead are drawn to hospitals for revenge or to torment. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Very good word choice; the vocabulary employed helps illustrate the situation and portray a clear image of what was happening. I liked the conclusion because it provides reasons for the supernatural events that were occurring at the hospital. The story was believable; it had a strong emotional appeal. The use of historical facts provided a good background as well. There were some minor grammatical errors that could effect how the reader feels toward the story. Overall, great story.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This was a very fun read. You had me interested right away. The introduction was perfect. It was very believeable with all the fact and details you put into it. As the reader i felt like i was hearing it from your friends older brother himself. Other than one or two tiny mistakes i think it was very impressive.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Overall, the story was pretty good. You built up your credibility by bringing some history behind the hospital into it. The part where you said ('Warning trespassers will be prosecuted") seemed unnecessary since you already mentioned there were security guards to keep the homeless out.

    ReplyDelete
  23. The credibility of your piece was aided by the history of the hospital and all of the details you were able to provide concerning the paranormal happenings. The fact that this happened to someone relatively close to you made it more believable because then the details couldn’t be obscured by the story being passed down by many people. There were some grammar and spelling errors though that detracted from the story’s credibility, make sure to re-read and edit and this story would be easy to understand and believable.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This was a very fun story and there are many phrase can be uesd in my paper. And I love the way you writting your story.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I like that you put some background and history to the story. It helps with the credibility a lot and it kept my attention the entire story. I like the vibe that your story gave off. Good job!

    ReplyDelete