While my mother was growing up, her nuclear family would commute to Nebraska on a semi-annual basis to visit their extended family. My mother’s grandfather (my great-grandfather), Bill NImmich, owned a small bakery in the tiny town of Pawnee City, Nebraska. When her family visited Nebraska, they would all squeeze into the humble living space located above the Nimmich bakery.
As my mother experienced these family get-togethers, she saw the love and dedication her grandfather put into his baking. Her grandfather would faithfully wake up at 4:30 every morning to assemble the pastries. Through his adoration for baking, my mother gained her own fondness for the art. When she turned five years old, my mother started working alongside her grandfather in the bakery. Her passion for baking continued throughout High School where she was employed at the small school bakery. At this informal bakery my mother made cinnamon rolls that were famous school-wide.
As my mother experienced these family get-togethers, she saw the love and dedication her grandfather put into his baking. Her grandfather would faithfully wake up at 4:30 every morning to assemble the pastries. Through his adoration for baking, my mother gained her own fondness for the art. When she turned five years old, my mother started working alongside her grandfather in the bakery. Her passion for baking continued throughout High School where she was employed at the small school bakery. At this informal bakery my mother made cinnamon rolls that were famous school-wide.
One early and ordinary morning in the school bakery, my mother was following her regular cinnamon roll baking routine. As she rolled out the dough for the cinnamon rolls, she suddenly felt a presence and looked up and there was her grandfather. She knew at once that he had died, but surprisingly this knowledge wasn’t upsetting to her; in fact she felt quite at peace with the situation. While she continued rolling out the dough, he stayed and unceasingly smiled his enormous, brilliant smile. She was delighted to have him with her because she knew that this was the last time she would ever see him. Eventually his spirit left the small baking room, and my mother knew he had left this Earth. When she went home that afternoon, my mother found out that her suspicions had been correct about her grandfather while she was at work in the bakery.
My mother holds this experience close to her heart because she knew her grandfather came especially to see her baking. Baking was my grandfather’s greatest joy and to see it being passed down through the generations made him extraordinarily happy. My mother has continued her grandfather’s baking legacy and still bakes his special treats today.
I feel this is a very emotional piece, and I enjoy it a lot. When she felt the presence, was it someone watching her she felt? Or did she feel it touching her? Maybe expand on that a little. I think it is a great story!
ReplyDeleteThis story was a very emotional one and is really touching. You establish your credibility and appeal to a readers emotions all in one. It seems like a very effortless, natural story as well.
ReplyDeleteI loved the story! My story and yours are similar, since they involve a very close relative and their loved one passing on. Your story has good credibility since we see there is a strong love for baking going on, and it also gives off a passionate emotion, making everything very real and believable. The fact that you convince us that they're so attached to baking makes it seem like his spirit would most definitely be there at the shop.
ReplyDeleteVery good story, even though kind of short. Very emotional too, I could sense it in your writting. Your credibility is strengthen by the fact it happened to someone close, and story like this that stay within families tent to be truth most of the time.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Your story was full of emotion and was very very believable. You had some very good word choice and I am surprised you used the term "nuclear family". I give you props for that. Once again, great story.
ReplyDeleteShort but definitely a great emotional story! And because the story circles you and your family very closely its very credible.
ReplyDeleteYour background info was very in depth and left great understanding of what was going on and why she might be visited by one so close. The emotion this piece had was very deep and caught me immediately. Love for family and passion for baked goods are great examples of that.
ReplyDeleteAs everyone has said, emotion plays a big part in this story. Though I wrote about a ghost/spirit, I have a hard time believing stories about them. Your story however was easy to relate to. It wasn't set awkwardly and due to the fact that it happened to someone so close to you, that makes it more believable. Loved ones passing away and sending a small message before leaving isn't too uncommon. Many claim to get a little revelation from someone close to their heart when something tragic happens to them.
ReplyDeleteThis story is a very touching one that appeals directly to my heart. Its something i wish would happen to me if a dying family member loved me and what i had done with my life. I had some problems reading through after the 1st two paragraphs though, i dont know if it was just me or if it was the word order that threw me off.
ReplyDeleteIt was a short but good story. This story had a huge emotional aspect to it. Having it happen to a close family member helps the credibility of the story.
ReplyDeleteWow!! This piece was amazing, not only because i personally can relate to the setting of the bakery (Having run a bakery for several summers), but because it was anything like any of the others stories i have read so far! It wasnt so much scary as it was comforting and emotional. At the end i had no question in my mind as the whether your mother had actually seen the ghost or not, i believed it unquestioningly. very very effective writing
ReplyDeletewow there's a lot of emotion is this story the details provided gave me goosebumps and took me somewhere i didn't think it would take me
ReplyDeleteThis was a sweet story. It was a bit short but it packed a punch with great detail, facts , and it was credible. I believe in a lot of stories like this because when someone you care about passes it way they always visit you on last time. That brings a lot of reassurance and closure. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like how you establish the relationship between your mother and her grandfather as well as their passion for baking in your introductory paragraphs. It makes this story very touching, but in a happy way. Because of their common interests, it makes sense that your great grandfather came to see your mother one last time while she was baking. I think this kind of encounter is similar to the unease that people feel when something bad is going to happen to a loved one; there is an unexplained “connection.” You established this connection through baking.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story, very much to the point and emotional. That emotional aspect lets the reader believe the supernatural happenings without question. Your clear writing style always kept the reader vulnerable to these emotions, so there was never any doubt. Because this happened to someone so close to you, it is also credible and not far-fetched. The fact that this story is more nostalgic and touching than the other more spooky ones also helps its credibility because it is always easier to believe things that are not threatening or paranormal to an unnatural degree.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good story. I like the way you include background information on your grandfather and his bakery. The way that you wrote the story appeals the emotional side of the readers. The way you describe the connection between your mother and grandfather adds to the creditbilty of the story
ReplyDeleteThis was a very emotional peace. Although short it gives good detail on how much her grandfather really enjoyed baking, and this also makes it a much more credible piece. The only thing I can think of to improve it would be to make it longer so that you can add more detail to the piece overall.
ReplyDeleteThe emotional appeal between close relatives really drew me in and added credibility to your story. The connection between the baking, your mother, and your great-grandfather boosted the credibility as well.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story. The connections you have to it made it very credible and intersting. Telling me about your grandfathers bakery made it easier to relate to whatever you planned on telling me next. If you add a few more details it will be an amazing story. Good job
ReplyDeleteI loved the story! The connections you have to it made it very credible and intersting. And this story happened on your family making it more credibility.
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