There are many stories of the gold rush throughout the west. It was a time of economic boom, a time for progress in industry, territorial expansion and also a time for fantastic, romantic and sometimes tall tales of the epic west. A sense of mysticism and destiny surrounded the conquering of this fabled land. Yet as quickly as it had started, the gold rush soon burnt itself out, a raging fire with not enough fuel. Left in the wake of the rush are the skeletal remains of ghost towns, huge mining shafts, and innumerable twisted catacombs deep beneath the heart of the Rocky Mountains.
Mining was one of the most dangerous jobs of that era and truly required gold as an incentive. The technology of the time being somewhat unreliable and crude compared to modern times, cave-ins and mechanical of mishaps were an everyday threat to miners. Now according to popular mining town lore/history (for the two are quite often interchangeable in such romanticized environments), cave-ins, missing tools and machinery malfunctions were not always the result of poor construction or lack of care. Sometimes the unexplained happened and even when every possible precaution had been taken by the miners, catastrophes still occurred. When unexpected things happened, many miners with simple educations would use tales and folklore as an explanation.
Around a century and a half later I was born into a family that lived up around Idaho Springs, a sparse small mining town left over from the days of glory. I spent my childhood growing up in the mountains miles away from any sort of neighbors or towns. I can still vividly remember just how magic those mountains were to a 4 year old child. Along with the magic came the horrific realization of just how dangerous the mountain environment can be for a small child. As a kid I never considered how dangerous an old mining shaft could be, how quickly one can get stuck in a white out blizzard at altitude, or how common it was to have a bear going through your garage on a monthly basis. The personality of the mountain is a mixture of isolation, beauty and terror, worthy of extreme reverence.
My favorite pastime as a child was to wander the woods surrounding my house and use my imagination to conjure massive invading armies, or perhaps to reenact some sort of Native American tribal scene. I fought those invaders and spirited myself through countless hours that way. One particular day stands out in my memory. I was doing just these activities, not really paying much attention to my surroundings, when I stumbled upon a giant rock face on the lee side of the mountain that was my home. Having never seen this particular spot before, it quickly commanded all of my attention.
Upon further and closer investigation I noticed what looked like a small wooden frame stuck into the side of the giant wall of stone. I quickly realized much to my excitement that it was a door to a mining shaft. Yet what seemed to be a friendly and welcoming adventure at first, soon turned my stomach sour with horror, for the shaft quickly took on an evil and menacing appearance. I had seen nasty old mine shafts before; that wasn’t what had frightened me. It was the frosted air breathing out of the dark endless tunnel that gave me Goosebumps, for it was the middle of July!
Now in the black depths of the ocean lives a fish, Melanocetus johnsonii, commonly known as the angler fish. The Angler fish is special because it will lure other little fish close enough to eat by using a bioluminescent bulb attached to its head.
As I stepped closer to the black opening, my breath began to show in the air as it does in the middle of winter. Transfixed I stared into that endless pool of black as if hypnotized. I couldn’t move my feet, for my leg bones seemed to be made of lead. A second shiver ran down my spine because suddenly the blackness was cut by a barely perceivable glint of sunlight on metal, so faint I wasn’t sure if I had actually seen it. Quick as a cat it flashed again, brighter than before. Being me, curiosity soon overcame the terror in my chest. As I took my first step into the blackness, it glinted again as if urging me forward. Slowly I took one more step, then another. Yet as I made my way further and further in, the glint seemed to get no closer than it had been in the beginning. Finally, looking back I saw just how small the entrance had become for I had walked a good 20 feet into the pit. Then, all at once the frosted air belched out and the terror returned. The urge to flee came suddenly. Out of the dark several feet above the glint appeared two yellow eyes, human in shape but feline in glow. A gurgle rose from my throat in a pathetic attempt to scream. I still to this day have never ever run as hard as I did then.
In ancient Welsh folklore there is mention of spirits that live beneath the ground. Not unlike the Irish leprechaun, these strange mythological creatures were said to stand around two feet high with a grizzly complexion. Known as knockers, these short men would dress in traditional mining garb, and according to legend, would appear in shafts to indirectly harass miners. Mischievous in nature, the knockers would steal mining equipment, cause cave-ins, and break machinery. They were named knockers because of the faintest click click click that would sound right before a cave-in, and it was said that the knockers would make the noise with their hammers while attempting to cave in workers.
Mining was one of the most dangerous jobs of that era and truly required gold as an incentive. The technology of the time being somewhat unreliable and crude compared to modern times, cave-ins and mechanical of mishaps were an everyday threat to miners. Now according to popular mining town lore/history (for the two are quite often interchangeable in such romanticized environments), cave-ins, missing tools and machinery malfunctions were not always the result of poor construction or lack of care. Sometimes the unexplained happened and even when every possible precaution had been taken by the miners, catastrophes still occurred. When unexpected things happened, many miners with simple educations would use tales and folklore as an explanation.
Around a century and a half later I was born into a family that lived up around Idaho Springs, a sparse small mining town left over from the days of glory. I spent my childhood growing up in the mountains miles away from any sort of neighbors or towns. I can still vividly remember just how magic those mountains were to a 4 year old child. Along with the magic came the horrific realization of just how dangerous the mountain environment can be for a small child. As a kid I never considered how dangerous an old mining shaft could be, how quickly one can get stuck in a white out blizzard at altitude, or how common it was to have a bear going through your garage on a monthly basis. The personality of the mountain is a mixture of isolation, beauty and terror, worthy of extreme reverence.
My favorite pastime as a child was to wander the woods surrounding my house and use my imagination to conjure massive invading armies, or perhaps to reenact some sort of Native American tribal scene. I fought those invaders and spirited myself through countless hours that way. One particular day stands out in my memory. I was doing just these activities, not really paying much attention to my surroundings, when I stumbled upon a giant rock face on the lee side of the mountain that was my home. Having never seen this particular spot before, it quickly commanded all of my attention.
Upon further and closer investigation I noticed what looked like a small wooden frame stuck into the side of the giant wall of stone. I quickly realized much to my excitement that it was a door to a mining shaft. Yet what seemed to be a friendly and welcoming adventure at first, soon turned my stomach sour with horror, for the shaft quickly took on an evil and menacing appearance. I had seen nasty old mine shafts before; that wasn’t what had frightened me. It was the frosted air breathing out of the dark endless tunnel that gave me Goosebumps, for it was the middle of July!
Now in the black depths of the ocean lives a fish, Melanocetus johnsonii, commonly known as the angler fish. The Angler fish is special because it will lure other little fish close enough to eat by using a bioluminescent bulb attached to its head.
As I stepped closer to the black opening, my breath began to show in the air as it does in the middle of winter. Transfixed I stared into that endless pool of black as if hypnotized. I couldn’t move my feet, for my leg bones seemed to be made of lead. A second shiver ran down my spine because suddenly the blackness was cut by a barely perceivable glint of sunlight on metal, so faint I wasn’t sure if I had actually seen it. Quick as a cat it flashed again, brighter than before. Being me, curiosity soon overcame the terror in my chest. As I took my first step into the blackness, it glinted again as if urging me forward. Slowly I took one more step, then another. Yet as I made my way further and further in, the glint seemed to get no closer than it had been in the beginning. Finally, looking back I saw just how small the entrance had become for I had walked a good 20 feet into the pit. Then, all at once the frosted air belched out and the terror returned. The urge to flee came suddenly. Out of the dark several feet above the glint appeared two yellow eyes, human in shape but feline in glow. A gurgle rose from my throat in a pathetic attempt to scream. I still to this day have never ever run as hard as I did then.
In ancient Welsh folklore there is mention of spirits that live beneath the ground. Not unlike the Irish leprechaun, these strange mythological creatures were said to stand around two feet high with a grizzly complexion. Known as knockers, these short men would dress in traditional mining garb, and according to legend, would appear in shafts to indirectly harass miners. Mischievous in nature, the knockers would steal mining equipment, cause cave-ins, and break machinery. They were named knockers because of the faintest click click click that would sound right before a cave-in, and it was said that the knockers would make the noise with their hammers while attempting to cave in workers.
I loved how detailed you got in the beginning about mines so it almost put a detailed picture of a mine in my head. It made it very easy to follow your adventure into the mine. I got a little lost when you talked about the angler fish, I got the message of how it lures its prey in, but not until i had read the whole story, so I would try replacing that because it seemed to be a little random where it was placed. Also maybe add space in between each paragraph so we can determine them more easily. The conclusion was also so detailed and put a really good vivid image in my head. Great story!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how deep you go into detail. It is great imagery, and also how you felt while in the mine. It makes me feel terrified also. The thing about the fish is a little random and gets the reader confused so maybe take it out? Or try saying the same thing but not using the fish?
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is wow! What an amazingly descriptive and crazy story! I was very drawn in and amazed at the great connection that you were able to create with me, the reader. All I would suggest is to maybe read through and correct a couple run on sentences. But other than that I think your piece was great!
ReplyDeleteI was very captivated by your vocabulary and the way you phrased your sentences. It made the essay easy an enjoyable to ready. The part about the fish threw me off, so it would be good to make a better transition. Aside from that, the paper flowed wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteEvery bit of detail in your story contributes to making it more and more believable. It's very well written, but I'm not sure about the part where you started talking about the fish. Aside from that, there's great imagery and makes the reader feel as if it were happening to us. Great work.
ReplyDeleteYour story is AMAZING! You had great word choice to draw in your audience, great facts at the end to make it believable, and your writing is so vivid that I could picture everything. I also loved how you added the little biology flare in there. You had the credibility and you had the emotion to make it an amazing story. Fantastic story.
ReplyDeleteThis story had amazing imagery! You really drew your readers in with your descriptions! I could picture everything you were talking about, which made you very believable. I was just confused when you talked about the angler fish. It goes with the story but i think it could use a transition or maybe move it around somewhere else! but otherwise your story was awesome!
ReplyDeleteNot going to lie, I was sketching out when you said you saw the eyes appear before you. Your writing was so vivid, that I felt like I was right there experiencing the story as I read on.
ReplyDeleteThe best "weapons" you could use in your retorical analysis, is the fact that you used historical facts, well known folklore (perhaps not well known, but I'm sure many readers would have heard a bit about tommyknockers, if not they could look it up and learn more), and writing about it as a personal experience so that the reader can find themselves relating to it. Good read.
Great job joel!
ReplyDeleteThis story was really good. You put a lot of attention to detail. You definitely painted a picture in my mind. The fact about the fish was kind of random. It was very good story and interesting, it definitely kept my attention.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! It has so many details and facts to it that it really brought everything to life. Comparing your story to other things such as the angler fish makes it even better!
ReplyDeleteI really like this story because it has a great deal of facts and details to it. I like the way that you worded the story in the sense that it give an eerie element to the story that you are telling. I like that you included the information about the folk lore behind the story. I liked the way you present the detail in the story give a great deal to the imagery of what is happening in the story.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much effort put into this paper. i like it alot, it makes me wish i had done more with my story instead of just write something down. Your story has so much vivid detail and information that it keeps me excited to keep on reading through the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteI realize that everyone has already mentioned this, but the angler fish paragraph was the only part that stood out to me as inappropriate because it was placed very randomly. Good analogy, but try introducing it in a different way. There were a couple run on sentences, but other than that it was great. Very very good detail.
ReplyDeletethe detailing in this story is really good, from what you give the reader in background info to how you felt when you where in there. you really captivate the reader, only thing is i got kind off lost when you mentioned the fish i thought it was kind off random. overall great story
ReplyDeleteThis was a well written story, I enjoyed it. There was a great amount of detail in it, very credible because you had lots of facts. great job
ReplyDeleteVery good story! I really liked the word choice, the level of detail used, and how you transitioned from the background information to a story about you. The conclusion and the description of what a knocker made the story even scarier. However, the paragraph about the fish seemed random; you should consider adding a transition so that the reader can see how it relates to the rest of the story. Well written!
ReplyDeleteI don't get the part about the fish. But besides your a really goo story writer. Your vocab was really good employed to keep readers interested and also very vivid. Now saying that its a leyend hurts your credibility, but besides that good story.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story. Right away i loved it. Being from Colorado i felt like it was something id hear from a native sitting around a campfire. The intro was very strong. I really dig your writing style and word choice. The amount of details really helped its credibility and made it that much better.
ReplyDeleteThe way you write the story is probably what adds the most credibility to the story. The details you add while mentioning folklore like knockers helps the story quite a bit. The mentioning of the fish seems extremely out of place and should be removed or tied into the story more. It was very good overall.
ReplyDeleteThe details and background information written in the introduction really help set the scene for the story. It pulls the reader in and gives a great picture of where you were and about the mines in the area. The part about the fish could have had better transitioning. It was confusing as to why it was put in there at first. Then after I finished the story I understood how it was related. You are a skilled writer, which really shows in your use of language and description.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant job, the story is entirely believable. Your description of everything makes it very credible because it seems as though nothing had to be fabricated. There was an emotional sense to the story because, it was spooky and we can all relate to wanting to explore something we know we shouldn’t. In the story’s conclusion when you speak of the knockers it adds more credibility to your story because there are more instances of underground beings in mine shafts who cause mischief. Overall, your intent was achieved, the story was very believable.
ReplyDeleteI love the detai in your story.l It make the story seem more credibility and more vivid. Also I love the word choise of some details.
ReplyDelete